525,600 minutes

It's that time again. Another year is almost over, and it's time to thoroughly reminisce.

  As the Rent song goes, "how do you, how do you measure a year?"

I guess I could measure mine by numbers:

18- number of people at murder mysery party

0- number of people who figured out who the murderer was

5- number of cities we visited in France

1,000's- number of words I wrote about France- I really milked that topic!

4,000,000-   age in centuries of the caverns we toured on our anniversary

10- number of cave puns our tour guide, the Will Ferrell of rock jokes, told.

3- posts I wrote about feeling sad about not getting pregnant (but I only published one.)  Just gotta keep it real.  This year was not all croissants and roses.

15- times I practiced my wedding toast before nailing it on the big day 

350- pounds of gingerbread we saw on our annual tradition: see bottom of post here

18- years my brother in law kept his secret (see "Received a tattoo")

5- minutes we cracked up once we learned said secret

*

But I'd prefer to just do a breakdown by month:

In January, I:

• Spoke dirty French: here

In February, I:

• Attended a murder mystery party: here
*

• Learned the languages of love: here

In March, I:

• Was “Tom Cruise” Running: here

In April, I:

• Traveled to France!: here

*

•     Wrote incessantly about France trip:

More Frenching: here

Pardon My French: here

Dan's Day: here

Show me the Monet: here

Can you tell what the highlight of my year was? 

Thanks for putting up with so many fromage filled posts!

In May, I:

• Mastered the art of public speaking: here

*

• Had misadventures in double dating: here

In June, I:

• Enjoyed our "caves and kicking it" anniversary: here
*

• Ate with the pie bride: here

*

• Revealed why we still sneak into our old apartment pool: here

In July, I:

• Made homemade icecream: here

*

•  Painted the living room: here

In August, I:

• Thanked a teacher: here

*

• Counted my stairs: here

In September, I:

• Redid my office: here

*

• Jumped on board of the food truck craze: here

Side note: does it look like I'm inadvertently flipping the bird in this pic??  Because I just noticed that my finger is placed sort of oddly... yikes!  That is one salty Mrs. Peanut.

In October, I:

• Discovered we were too old for clubbing: here

*

• Admitted to feeling wistful and sad in "A little bit pregnant": here

In November, I:

• Gave thanks: here

*

• Was in a flash mob to this song

In December, I:

• Received a tattoo: here

• Dreaming of a weird Christmas: here

So there's my year in review!  Now, I'm thinking about my resolutions.  Anyone else making any?

Want to read about the year I did a mud run and Dan and I rocked a costume contest? Check out 2011: here

Want to read about the year of my embarrassing sleep walking injury and my day as a juror on a murder trial?  Check out 2010: here

I'm dreaming of a weird Christmas

Yesterday, I told you about the tattoo I received for Christmas.  I also received one from our dead dog.

 It's way less creepy than it sounds.  Promise.

 It's just when Bethany first picked up the bright red package and saw that it was "signed" from Sadie, our sassy Scottish terrier that passed away last year, she and I exchanged mock horrified looks with one another and were trying to piece together the puzzle.  What could our precious pooch possibly want to give us beyond the grave?

After some weird looks at my parents, who were rolling their eyes at our dramatics, we tore open the package to find ultimate cozy gift: the softest, warmest, matching pj's with scottie dogs printed all over!

Is there nothing more Christmassy than new pajamas?  Oh wait, there is!  Pajamas with adorable scottie terriers wearing red bows!  Is there anything more Christmassy that pajamas with scotties on them?  Yep, when said pajamas are matching with other family members!

My sister working it in hers

 Can you tell we liked them??

This gift catered to two of the major commonalities my parents, sister, and I share: our love of comfort and our mutual love of Scottie dogs. We've owned two, and there's something about those pig-headed, infuriating, snappy dogs that we just love.  They look like ToTo and growl for treats and attack dirty socks lying on the ground.  In short, they're loveable and weird, just like us.

Further evidence of our family's strange sense of humor?  My sister gave me a vendetta gift, and my dad settled our debate on whether Dollar Store gifts are ever appropriate.

As sisters tend to do, Bethany and I started a weird debate over who made a wonky candy cane ornament in elementary school.  My mom kept all of the ugly ornaments that we crafted over the years, and in high school, Bethany and I noticed that there were two candy cane ornaments: one with beautifully spaced sparkly beads and one that was really ugly in comparison.  It became a litmus test for who was the more awesome of us two kids.  Whoever made the sparkly pretty candy cane (ahem- me) was the better of the two, like the yearbook superlative "most likely to succeed".  Whoever made the cracked out looking one (Bethany) was Mom's second favorite and clearly several IQ points lower.  We always tried to get Mom to reveal who made which one, but she just clucked her tongue and refused to get involved. 

I realize this is the dumbest inside joke ever, but it's like "church laugh" when you begin hysterically cracking up at the most inappropriate thing and can't stop.  

Anyway, I hadn't even thought of this stupid sibling rivalry until I looked at my tree on Christmas Eve and saw it covered with homemade candy cane ornaments my sister had secretly stuck everywhere!

And what gag gift would be complete without the occasional hazing note:

Last stop on the weird gift train, my family and I love to ridicule my dad's love of Dollar Tree.  Anytime we received a card from him, we would turn it over to see if it "Tender Thoughts" was printed on the back, signifying that he had splurged an entire dollar.  Suck it, Hallmark. 

Anyway, he had joked that he could find bad ass gifts for all at the Dollar Tree, and this year he made good on his promise.  He was struggling valiantly to find something, anything he could stick in our stockings that would prove that the Dollar Tree was a jackpot of amazing, frugal gift ideas.

Randomly remembering that he had called us "his princesses" and built many a sandcastle at the beach for us when we were in our diva stages, here is what he found:

Yep, that is how my twenty-seven year old sister and I received a Cinderella puzzle and princess bubbles, while my Dad crowed, "Can you guess which one is from me??  See?  The Dollar Tree does have great stuff!"

I'm going to have to up my "gift game" for next Christmas.

Tattoo for Christmas

My brother-in-law Jacob harbored a secret for eighteen years.  That's eighteen of years of avoiding a certain conversation subject, of keeping his secret carefully covered up. 

On Thanksgiving, his fiancée gleefully exposed his secret to to all of the family. 

On Christmas, she gave us a gift to memorialize her betrayal forever.

After Dan almost wet himself from laughing, he pronounced it,
"Best. Christmas. Gift. Ever."

Here's how the exposé went down.

Dan's family was sitting around the Thanksgiving table, and somehow the subject of tattoos popped up.  While we knew that Jacob had a Chinese symbol on his upper back, suddenly Julia Meade smirked and trilled, "That's not the only one he has!"

Immediate interest and questions!  "What other one do you have, Jacob??"  "Where is it??"  "When did you get it?"

Jacob blushed and told us all to shut up, pleading with his eyes at Julia Meade, all I-will-never-live-this-down-and-I-love-you-so-please-please-don't-tell-my-brother-about-that-tattoo.

She just grinned and gave us the dirty deets.  He had been nineteen and just been dumped by a girl who looked so bitchin' with her denim jacket paired with jeans (cough* Canadian tuxedo*cough*).  He was understandably devastated from the end of this three month love affair, deciding right then and there that he would get inked, have a lifelong reminder of his heartache.  More than that, this tattoo would be a reminder to protect himself, keep his heart protected from being smashed again.

In short, Julia Meade chortled, "He got a heart with a string of barbed wire through the middle!!  It's so eighties!  Even though it wasn't the 80's!"

Eruption of laughter and pleads to see the tattoo.  Jacob was still blushing and shaking his head and smiling in disbelief at his little spitfire of a fiancée. 

No one was allowed to see it. 

We still don't know where it was located.

Then, Christmas morning rolled around.  Julia Meade handed each of us a tiny package, with instructions to open it at the same time.  Jacob was looking very wary when he realized he did not have one.

We counted off:

1...

2...

3!

 

It might not look like much, but there it is!  Jacob's protected heart tattoo exposed for all!

Yes, she secretly snapped a photo of it and turned the copies into tiny refrigerator magnets for all of us!

Jacob couldn't help but laugh too as we howled for five solid minutes.

The wedding is still on.  Jacob just can't get enough of Julia Meade.  Case in point, Mr. Guy's Guy even agreed to go on a Christmas card with her this year:

She let him pick the saying, and here's what he chose:

 

"Holiday hugs"?  "Winter Kisses"? 

 

Guess there's no barbed wire around that heart anymore.

Christmas Traditions and Decking the halls with...

non-traditional colors!

Fa la la la la la lalala :) 

Jessie Spano moment (see last post) has subsided and I'm so ready for some cookie inhaling and spiked cider.  Just two weeks until break.  My graduate class is over.  I decided to wait on the HSG until January.  Ready to move on to happier things!

  Just for fun, I'm joining up with the The Newly Woodwards' mission to Deck the Halls:

 I feel like a fraud because I only DIYed one thing... ahem.. last year, but here it goes...

It's mostly just a photo dump of my xmas decor, starting with my gradient stockings.  No, I didn't dye them myself and then hand sew the crystals on.  I bet some of you crafty vixens out there in blogland could do that, but mine are storebought:

Green and blue ornaments on the mantle:

Tree with meaningful ornaments (not a one of them homemade- oops)

Love this bluebird one from Target.  It reminds me of that short story where the kids go looking all over for the bluebird of happiness.  You know the one where he is in their backyard all along?  Deep stuff, I tell you.

To remember two of our favorite travels:

So what did I DIY?  I made these faux snow globes (from last year) using epsom salt and tiny trees that I sprayed with fake snow.

And that is a lazy girl's decor :)

Xmas update:  Dan and I also did our annual tradition of visiting the four star Jefferson for some gingerbread gawking and a drink.

Instead of a gingerbread house this year, the master baker made a lifesize train!

I'm always impressed with these things, but this year's was out of control!  Here are some of the candy stats about it:

You can see the love in the details:  strings of rock candy icicles, gummies in the background, cookies wallpapering everything:

I know, I know... too many pictures!  But look at all the edible decor!

Even the "gravel" was made from dark jelly beans!

Nerds, Hershey kisses, and fondant... yum!

Dan always does a tradition of taking me on a winter date.  We made it a double this year and went to the botanical gardens with his brother and his soon-to-be wife for a little light viewing.  Their theme this year was East meets West.  We both couldn't get enough of the crane installation:

That's a wrap of my holiday decor and tradtions! :)