I've been trying to learn survival French for our upcoming trip to Paris and found myself Googling "language of love" the other day. I was looking for something over-the-top schmaltzy and French-inspired to give Dan for Valentine's Day as a nod to our upcoming trip and our love for anything cheesy. See beret photo below for proof of that...
Instead of finding said cheesy gift, I came across this website called The Five Languages of Love. Essentially, this guy (paging, Dr. Love!) came up with the idea that people show and receive love to their "lov-ahs" and family and friends in five different ways:
Words- notes, phone calls, sexting (just kidding), telling how amazing that person is
Quality Time- easy enough to understand
Receiving Gifts- this has nothing to do with being materialistic and is more about the people who treasure tangible reminders, like a note from a friend
Acts of Service- anything from unloading the dishwasher to picking up the person's favorite take-out after a hard day
Touch- not just nookie! Anything from a hug from a friend to fist-bump during your team making a touchdown
What I found kind of fascinating is that everyone has one or two areas that are most important to them, the ways they feel the most loved. And they are more inclined to give in this way, which may or may not be how the people around them want to be loved. For instance, a guy may bring home roses and write notes because he values "receiving gifts" when his wife may really just want to feel cared for by having some of the house chores occasionally done for her ("acts of service"). This website makes the point that you should give in the way that other people need the most.
Of course, it's ideal to give in all five ways. Who can really pick a favorite?
Not to get all Dr. Phil on everyone, but I'll admit that I took the quiz. My top one was quality time. Nothing makes me feel as great as date nights with Dan or when friends clear time to hang out. I have to say Dan is also great at "acts of service", like picking up my favorite Thai meal after a very long day today or scraping frost off my windshield before I go to work in the morning. He admitted that his is probably quality time, too, which inspired me to go in a different direction for Valentine's Day.
I've noticed that Dan loves me sitting in the room while he watches Jeopardy. If I start to get up to leave because I frankly find the show nerdy as hell, he'll say, "You leaving, hon? Want to watch and see if I get this final question right?" I think he likes showing off his mad trivia skills (yes, that's his thing, being a history teacher and all), and while it isn't an elaborate date night, it probably feels like "quality time" to him. So what did I do for Valentine's Day for him?
I designed a Jeopardy game! Yep, I used an online program to create a custom game for him, with his favorite categories such as "The Beatles", "The Redskins", some funny facts about us, and then some actual trivia I stole from past seasons of the show. I'm going to hang out with them and watch as he dominates the board. What is... the nerdiest gift ever?? But I have a sneaking suspicion he's going to love it!
And just because I've been in a Valentine's kind of mood (I went to a murder mystery party themed around this holiday that I'll have to share about later!), I decided to give my sister and friends Valentine's this year as well, just for fun. I mailed each of them one of these quirky postcards from a fabulous Etsy vendor:
Yes, those are artsy postcards of none other than the Golden Girls! Who doesn't love Betty White? I stole the vendor's idea of writing "Thank you for being a friend" from that show's theme song on the back. I also mailed each of them a box of these:
They're the perfect size to mail and I mentioned on the postcard that I thought they would be a tasty treat to eat while watching The Bachelor (one of my close friends is into the show too) or a sappy movie. Everyone understands that chocolate can be a language of love, no?
Hope you all have a happy Valentine's Day!
3 comments:
I could write a million comments on this post! First, you're amazing. How do you THINK of these cool, inspired, thoughtful, creative gifts and ideas all of the time? I'm so impressed and I just love this! The Jeapordy game? I want to do this too, now! Brett loved that show!
Also, I read the full book on Five Love Languages, and I will maintain that there is no book out there more logical than this. I think every person on the planet should read it because it makes SENSE of people. It is PURE LOGIC. I don't think in the ten years since I've read it that I've gone a full week without considering something I've read in it.
Mine is Words. Without a doubt. And Brett's is Quality Time. And when the main thing that makes you feel loved (because they all do, but one typically stands out), isn't the same as your spouses (or kids', or roommates, or best friends, etc), it can be hard to understand what's wrong with the relationship until you understand this language concept!
It took me years to understand that me telling Brett all of these amazing things and not seeing him just fall over with delight was because it's not what makes him feel loved the most! Being with him does! And he can be with me, but those WORDS are what make or break me.
Missing the mark for long periods of time can frustrate couples and they can't see why the other doesn't see how great they're being! Sooooo logical.
Wow, I really could go on forever about how glad I am when I hear people read this concept. It's relationship-changing stuff!
(Lucky for you, you guys might have the same thing that makes you feel loved!)
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! I hope you have tons of wonderful quality time together tonight!!!
L
Thanks for your comment, Leslie! When I first heard about this, I thought, "That seems kinda gimmicky" but after reading, it really has changed the way I see relationships, you know?? Like I realized how much my sister loves special little gifts and how excited she got when I made her favorite foods for her birthday last year. I think words is a huge one for me, too... It makes sense that that is important to you because you express yourself so amazingly through words! Anyhoo, I'm glad this resonated with you and others. Guess who has two thumbs and is ordering the book this weekend?? This girl. :)
You. Made. Jeopardy. Christen, you are the cutest couple in the whole world. Obsessed.
xo Josie
www.winksmilestyle.com
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