"Getting intimate"

That's the title of one of the chapters in the Frommer's French Phrase book Dan and I purchased at Barnes and Noble a few weeks ago. We're trying to bone up on our survival French for the upcoming trip, much like our cram session before our Italy trip two years ago. We kinda learned our lesson from the Italy trip where we were the annoying tourists fumbling with basic lines because we didn't review enough.

Anyway, when we first flipped through the French book, we sat at the B&N cafe and made a ridiculous amount of flashcards to quiz each other.

* Good evening, sir.... "Bonsoir, monsieur"* Please... and Thank you... "s'il vous plait" et "merci"* My name is Christen.... "Je m'appelle Christen."
Then, we flipped to the "getting intimate" section, thinking that it would include more informal phrases for, say, family and friends. Nope. Uh-uh. Instead, I'd like to suggest an alternate title: "Parisian One Night Stands for Dummies".

Is it weird that I pictured a French guy with one of those old-fashioned, curled mustaches whispering all the following womanizer lines? Now, you will too when you read 'em!

An Excerpt from "Getting Intimate" section of Frommer's French Dictionary

It started mild with: "Tu es tres seduisant" (You are sexy)

Then, it had the awkward VD questions, like: "Y a-t-il quelque chose dont tu voudrais me parler? (Do you have anything you need to tell me?)
It got all racy with: "Oui, comme ca!" (That's it!) and a few other blush-inducing... err... directions. Yes, Dan and I were chortling like my middle school students at these. We also worried that, knowing how awful we are at keeping phrases straight, we'll somehow slip up and accidentally say "Plus fort" (Harder!) to our waiter or something.

Worst of all, the chapter concluded with parting lines and some were downright slimy. We now know how to say "I think this was a mistake" and "I'm sorry; I have to go now" in French.

Who freaking wrote this chapter? My guess is this jackass:
Just wanted to share! By the way, my New Year's resolution is to try twelve new things in 2012, and Dan is kindly joining along on a few of them. In January, we went to a local pub's trivia night. For February, it's safe to say that we learned to talk dirty in French.

pics via here and here