Just call me Jessie Spano

I'm one step away from a... gasp! ... caffeine pill fueled freakout like this infamous scene in Saved By the Bell:


It's too boring to go into every detail, but the short of it is: too much work and no play makes Christen a dull girl.  I guess I'm mixing my metaphors pop culture references, but you get the idea:

  School is busy. 

My graduate class is ending (yay!) and of course, there is a marathon of a project and test due at the same time (gah..).  

 I'm nervous about an upcoming fertility treatment: an HSG.  Who out there has gone through this?? Where on the pain scale was it for you??   I'm officially freaked out after reading these comments on a fertilitiy blog, including this one:

Holy hell.

And how has your December been?  

I'm sick of all the Thanksgiving pies...

said no one ever!

I know you are probably already having pumpkin and apple pie on Thursday, but if you want to branch out to something new, take a digital trip across the pond and try this English treat:  Banoffee Pie.

      As promised, I wanted to share the recipe I found for it. To recap, this pie is the love child of a toffee and banana, a suprisingly amazing couple!  Fair warning:  it's very rich and cavity-inducing sweet.  If you're not the type to enjoy, say, a hunk of fudge from the beach boardwalk, it may not be your thing.  Me?  I love it.

      I had heard about it only once before in the movie Love Actually.  You know, in this scene:

via

If you remember, the guy she's offering it to refuses it, and she responds, "Thank God!  You would have broken my heart if you had said 'yes'!"

I understand, Kierra.

I used this one from My Sister's Kitchen, who borrowed it from Our Best Bites.  Everyone's stealing this recipe, I tell ya!  There's no need for me to post the blow by blow here since she gives some helpful tips and the whole run-down and ingredient list on her blog.  Just click on the above link.

Just to show you how easy it was, though, here's what you will need: 

You can make your own toffee sauce by boiling sweetened condensed milk for two hours, but since there's a chance of a caramel explosion if the can is not covered with water, I just went with Dulce de Leche sauce from Whole Foods.  Take a graham cracker crust, spread fourth of a jar of dulce de leche sauce, put a layer of cut up bananas, sprinkle with toffee pieces, create the topping (see above link for how), and sprinkle more toffee on top.  Make and eat on same day to avoid slimy bananas.  As if you have a choice on waiting to eat this amazingness!



Here I am starting to cover the pie with the cream.  Notice the one slice with no bananas??  That was for Dan (Mr. Picky) since he doesn't like them.  I covered his part with cream too, and he loved it, even though it was just dulce de leche sauce, toffee, and cream.

I forgot to take a final picture, but it looked something like this:

pic from the aforementioned source of this wonderful recipe!

Wiping drool off my keyboard right now...

Thankful for...

Dan and I are hosting Thanksgiving for seven for the first time this year.   Luckily, my mother-in-law will be bringing the fully cooked turkey she's picking up from the local grocery store. A gem, that one!  Honestly, when Emily, Dan's sister, first asked me to host I almost said no because I had shuddered at the thought of scraping out innards and touching raw, goose-pimply turkey skin.  I can bake pies.  I can whip up mashed potatoes.  But turkey?  That seems better left to the domestic goddesses in vintage Norman Rockwell paintings. I could just hear hear the curses of my brother-in-law trying to carve hack into still-half frozen bird because I haven't cooked it correctly. And Dan having to phone Papa John's. 

In short, I took her up on her offer!

Since Thanksgiving is right around the corner, I thought I'd share that I'm thankful for...

1) My mantle:

2)  My husband's comments about said mantle:   Dan was teasing me about how I have been getting into mantlescapes.  When I said I was only going to create them for the big three:  Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, he responded with a speech that went like, "Don't start slacking now!  I expect a full Groundhog's Day themed mantle in February complete with stuffed vermin looking for their shadow!" 

Shut-up, Danimal and enjoy the theme:

Sometimes I roll my eyes when people give budget breakdown of everything they've created, all "look how thrify I am!"  And now I'm here doing it-ha ha!  The grass was free from the scary vacant lot behind my gym.  I checked it twenty times to make sure nothing icky was crawling through the stalks.  The books are all ours, just turned backwards to look more literary and cute.  The pumpkin candle was from Target.

The only two things I bought were the dried puffy things (technical name) for $6 and $2 in scrapbook paper to use for the "Thankful jar". 

Speaking of the thankful jar, here it was three weeks ago.  It's almost full now!

3)  Continuing to let my Martha Flag Fly with this wreath: 

I just grabbed a dried wreath from Michaels and added some ribbon and dried puffy things to that as well.  I think we're officially ready to host Thanksgiving.

4) This cake one of my husband's government students brought in on Election Day:

(I blurred out our last name, but you get the idea!)

He came home absolutely beaming.  I'd vote for him.

5)  Our visit to the fertility doctor

You're welcome for the lack of pictures of this one!

The doc was smug and confident as hell, but I don't mind that in someone who is helping us.  He listened to us talk about everything for forty minutes and asked a million questions.   It was like therapy, I tell ya', to talk about everything. I'm dreading the tests to come, but for now, I'm thankful. More on it later.

6) Our Annual Mountain Getaway:

Makes me feel so small to be around so much beauty.  It's nice because I feel like I've been too caught up in my own struggles lately, so I definitely needed a different perspective.

7)  Banoffee Pie

Have you heard about this English treat?  It's banana + toffee sauce + a whipped type of topping

It is a million calories and it is amazing.  I'll share the recipe tomorrow.

Even the title of this pie is innovative!  I've always been a fan of combined words, like Brangelina and Tomcat.  When we were about to marry, I tried to persuade my husband to legally change our last name to a combination of the two of ours.  It was going to a powerful example of the two of us merging families!  It was so symbolic! 

He declined.

Oh well, at least I can appreciate a good word combination.  And let me tell you, banoffee pie is so good it needed to cap off this Thankful List (or should I say "Thist"??)

What are you thankful for?

Fax Machine Patrol

As I mentioned a few posts ago, I'm seeing a fertility doctor this month.  This new guy is supposed to be the guru for helping to get people knocked up.  It's a decision that took me a while to come to, mostly because this "trying" stuff has been so hard.  Add this embarrassing gem to the mix.

You see, I had to call my OBGYN's office to have my records sent over to the new office.  No sense repeating a pap smear when I don't have to, right?

Then, I made one dumb ass decision that robbed me of my sanity for six hours.

When I called the office after school, the interchange with the receptionist went like this:

Receptionist:  "Most patients want a copy of their records as well, just in case you decide to see a third doctor. 

Me:  Oh, that seems smart.

Receptionist: Yes, and we charge you if we have to send the records out more than once, so it's just smart to have a copy. Do you want me to send them to you?"

Me (not thinking):  Sure! 

Then, I did something very dumb... I gave her my school's fax number.

I immediately ran downstairs and waited by the fax machine.  For twenty minutes.  No report.  Cell phone in pocket, I tried to call the office to see if she could send it now.  Straight to voicemail.

  It slowly dawned on me... She might send those records out at any time.  Meaning, if I somehow am not right by the fax machine to grab the reports, someone else might accidentally pick them up instead!  The gym teacher might come by and read my pap smear information!   The math teacher whose asked me several times about "when are you guys going to have kids?" could grab these and puzzle over when we started "trying"!! 

I think I started hyperventilating when I pictured my principal reading notes written by my OBGYN, like her recommendation to put my legs up.

  Holyhell&*$(#*#(@**can't believe I did that!

   So what did I do?  I stood by that fax machine for two hours.  People kept walking by, asking, "Waiting for something, Christen?" and commenting, "Don't stay here too late!" 

Uh huh, I'll try.

I constantly called the office to try desperately to get in touch with the receptionist. 

I left messages like, "Hi, this is Christen, patient of Dr. RushesMeOutOfHerOffice **not real name**, calling again.  Could you hold off on sending those results?"

and then...

"Hi, this is Christen again.  Could you please call me to let me know you received my other two voicemails??"

and then...

 "HI, THIS IS CHRISTEN CALLING AGAIN.  PLEASE DON'T SEND THOSE RESULTS!!  I'M KIND OF A PRIVATE PERSON AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING AND I'LL SEND A FRUIT BASKET... AND A BOTTLE OF WINE... AND GIVE YOUR KID FREE TUTORING SESSIONS IF YOU JUST DON'T SEND THEM TO MY PLACE OF WORK BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T WANT THE HOME EC TEACHER SEEING THAT I ASKED IF IT WAS BETTER TO HAVE SEX EVERY DAY OR TO SAVE UP DAN'S SWIMMERS!!"

I guess the receptionist is about attentive as my OBGYN because she must have left at 3:30 that day... or maybe just wanted to mind eff with me.  I never heard from her.  The fax machine just blinked at me for two hours.

The next morning, the school secretary chirped, "You're here early today, Christen!" when I arrived an hour and a half before the school day starts. 

"Just trying to get a jump start on my day," I smiled back, while thinking, Fax machine! fax machine!  I hope I'm first to the fax machine!  Maybe  she sent them last night??"

Blinking machine.  No report.

It wasn't until three hours later during my planning when I frantically called again that I was able to exhale.

Receptionist:  "Oh, hi!  I got your message yesterday.  I'll just send the results to the new doctor.  Sorry I never had a chance to call you back."

Bitch, you can forget about that fruit basket.

Too old for Halloween

Feel free to judge.  We are comfortably boring teachers in our thirties, and we ended up club clubbin' this past Saturday.  

 At a Hard Rock Cafe. 

In a way, I judge myself. :)

Yes, I've mentioned before that Dan and I feel way too old for the club scene, but in our defense...

No one was having a Halloween party this year. 

and

I really wanted to dress up.

I'm probably not helping my case, am I?  Anyway, after much discussion, we decided to go out with my sister, since she's still young and hip enough to bust up in the club.  Just call us thirty-something tag alongs!

Yes, I did have a moment where I was scared of a run-in with the bouncer outside like in the movie Knocked Up.  You know the scene I'm talking about where Katherine Heigl and her sister try to get in a club?  I could just see the bouncer looking at Dan and me and saying, "You two are old. Everyone else is in their twenties, so you can't come in. Can't have two old asses running around in here!"

Luckily, they did let our old asses in.  Anyway, before I share our get-up from this year, I thought I'd give you all a peak a few past Halloweens to show my love of costumes, thus justifying our choice to go club clubbin' at a place known for Elvis memorabilia and selling over-priced hamburgers...

Three years ago, we were pick-up lines.  Want to guess which ones??

Notice the sign I'm wearing on my hip:

 Did you get them?  If not, you haven't spent much time in aforementioned skeezy clubs.  You are so classy!

Dan: "There's a party in my pants... and you're invited!" 

Me: "Did it hurt... when you fell from heaven??"

Then, we were lazy one year and dressed as an eighties bride and groom:

We didn't want to spend much money that year, so we pulled out his t-shirt tuxedo and worked with what we had.

  

Last year, you might remember Dan was Mr. Frederickson from the movie Up, and I was the house. 

We won first place at a small party... and celebrated like Emmy winners.

This year, we decided to be iconic snack super stars. 

Hello, from Mr. and Mrs. Peanut!

I bought the accessories at Walmart and cut out the letters for the hats.  I cut out the peanuts from foam and pinned them on the front and back.  It was a comfortable costume, so Dan was happy.  We got a great reaction on the metro in DC and the rest of the night!

My sister and her boyfriend were inspired by Monty Python; notice that she's the serf with the coconuts to give sound effects to his gallop.  They ended up winning first place (a Carribean cruise!) at a contest later that night!!

Other note-worthy ones that night?  Bethy's friend dressed as the lamp from A Christmas Story:

Wayne and Garth:

My favorites are always the clever ones.  This one guy dressed in a suit with paint samples all over him.  I couldn't figure it out.  Sample suit??  I looked closer and saw all the names of the paint colors:  charcoal, dust bunny, dove, stone wall...  Finally giving up, I asked him what he was.

His answer?  "Fifty shades of gray." 

Wish I had snapped a picture!

Despite my massive hangover the next day (never happened to me in college... gah), the night was cheesy and fun, so it all worked out!  Bethany has a full on obsession with Halloween that makes my love for the holiday pale in comparison, so she's always fun to be around.  I have to share her gift to me, just because she likes to pass on Halloween love, and she knows I love pumpkin anything:

Yep, she gave me a pumpkin-themed gift (pumpkin candy, socks, pumpkin popcorn, straws, and candle).  I loved it!  But who's surprised?  It was the ultimate indulgence in my inner child.  I've decided I'll never be too old for Halloween.

I'm just too old for the club.

Fall= folk yeah!

As I copped to in my last post, nosy comments and baby frustration have been bringing me down lately.  No glossing over that it.   I see a fertility doctor for the first time next month, which makes me feel scared... but also officially lets me breathe a sigh of relief to try something new.  I need some advice other than a huffy, "Do it a lot", which was all my OBGYN said. 

 I wanted to bitch slap her.

But I am feeling better just having shared a little of this.   I also feel like fall is in full swing now, which is one thing that always improves my mood. Here are some of the more recent causes of endorphins, all fall related, of course!

I took these:

And made this:

 It was my first attempt at crisp.  It's healthy because there's apples in there, right?

It was for a get together at a friend's house where we washed it down with some apple sangria, gossiped, and carved pumpkins.  Some people's husbands came, but I didn't get on Dan about it because he's more of a beer and football kind of guy.

Dan did humor me by oohing and ahhing at  my attempt at artistic carving (fall leaves jack o' lantern):

What else?

Dan and I went here:

via

It was a folkin' good time!

I didn't make that pun up, but I've been looking forward to using it... twice in one post, apparently.

Lastly, I've got such good people in my life.  Like my mom, who will let me vent about anything I need to for hourse.  Or my sis and Dan who are always so supportive.  

Like my friend Missy, who came over for lunch last Saturday and brought a surprise "I know you love fall" gift, just because!   I had mentioned how much I loved this Andy Warhol soup can project from YHL to her and how I wanted to make vintagy potted plants in them for my kitchen.

 

Look what she brought me!

She picked up one of each can of Warhol labeled soup

 oyster crackers to enjoy with said soup

and a huge bag of pumpkin kisses!

 How pretty are these guys?

I can already see some succulents growing out of them in my kitchen...

 

She downplayed her amazing gift as a "little something", but let me tell you, it meant so much to me. A YHL-inspired project, fall food, and pumpkin... how awesome is this girl??

 I'm off on a weekend getaway with Dan to the mountains in a few weeks for some much needed time away with him and the season I love.  Who else is soaking October lately??