When I checked through my mail yesterday, I saw an envelope from an unfamiliar address. Another Christmas card with family in cheesy sweaters, perhaps? An adorable photo post card of a friend's baby? As I ripped it open, eager to add to the card collection on my fridge, I found a marked-up copy of a story I had written instead.
What the...?
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Those of you who read my blog regularly (all two of you... holla, Mom and Dad!) know that I recently tried to take a writing class. I skipped two of the six meetings because I was sick of feeling like the class dunce. The group was led by a pretentious woman in her mid-sixties who was obsessed with the the sound of her own voice. She would pose topics just so that she ramble on with her own judgmental assertions. A few of her gems? People who read best-sellers have "simple minds", her own book is the best thing to happen to the world since creation, and the Harry Potter series sucks. I read all the Harry Potter books, and I'm not simple minded.
A nerd, yes... but we already knew that!
I'll admit, I'm paraphrasing her words a bit, but seriously, this teacher was obnoxious. She interrupted people constantly ("let me just play devil's advocate") and never, ever let anyone have the last word in a conversation.
Anyway, not able to handle anymore, I skipped the final meeting's writing workshop. This meant that I never had a chance to hear her feedback on a story I had written. Oh, darn. Instead, I drank wine, watched the Office, and trash-talked this woman's teaching ability to Dan. She may be one hell of a writer and a pretty decent editor, but I could tell her a thing or two about how to teach. Like maybe you should occasionally listen rather than talk.
Just a thought.
A month and a half later, I had completely forgotten about this teacher until I received the envelope with my story, the one that I had turned in but then skipped the workshop. She had written her revisions all over it.
One hundred and sixteen different revisions, to be exact.
7 comments:
Unbelievable! Over a hundred edits!!! Yikes! She needs help and you needed to skip that last session (glad you did!).
--SMC
LOL. This is great news because it gives you the excuse to drink more wine and watch good TV!
Bleh! This post made me sick to my stomach. So the great writing instructor would not want her book to be a bestseller? "I want my book to be so good that no one reads it" What does she think of Barbara Kingsolver? Instant bestsellers that win tons of literary awards. Or that darn Charles Dickens. Why did people want to read his books? The whole notion is so silly! On another note, literature is entertainment, just like [gasp] TV or movies. Of course, I believe you get more out of a book because it tends to make you think more, but if you like horror and I like chick flicks who am I to mark your paper with 100 edits and change your entire voice?! Heck, she probably is a fan of Thomas "unreadable" Pynchon and here you could be inspired by Ian McEwan. Totally different. Not that editing and criticism isn't absolutely necessary, but in this case it sounds like the woman comes from one point of view and can't look anywhere else. No wonder she isn't winning the pulitzer or making it on the NY Times list. Ugh.
Put it aside! I hope this doesn't get you down too much. There must be good classes out there...
Another triumph my dear (just as Bob Cratchett told his wife on Christmas Day). Your last two blogs were marvelously entertaining. Mom
You crack me up Christen! Sounds like this lady needs more things to worry about!
Thanks, Laura! Most of the revisions were just about slightly altering my wording, so it really didn't bother me that much. It was just kind of funny when I was thinking it would be a Christmas card, and it ended up being that teacher haunting me. I'll definitely be trying another writing class (sans psycho teacher) soon! :)
Oh my gosh, I missed this post - it is HILARIOUS!!! HOW CRAZY!!! This made me laugh out loud. I was an english and creative writing major - my 4 years were FILLED with this sort of thing. But nothing this nuts! Wow!
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